Rolling With Resistance
I am planning a very sciencey post on this topic, since it is one of my favorite skills and treatment themes as a therapist. However, I will need to write that post on a day I can stay late at the office since I want to quote from my numerous books on the subject 😉
This week has been hard, it always is the week after steroids. It is partly hard because despite all my hopes and carefully managing my triggers this disease grows back like weeds. At first it’s not that severe, but it’s just enough to throw in my face the fact that it isn’t gone.
At the same time I’ve just been on Steroids! So my rhythms are less predictable, some nights I have trouble sleeping, other nights I am just fine. There are random mood swings, strange appetite changes. I’m constantly needing to course correct to make both the steroids and migraine happy.
But I Had an Amazing Week!
I learned many years ago that life goes best when we roll with the resistance, when we accept what is going on and just make the best of it. I am actually republishing the essay1 I wrote when I took to heart this discovery.
Wednesday I was having steroid induced anxiety and new I was losing my battle with aura. I had tons of paperwork that had to get completed, and I had my day completely scheduled out with visits. I was worried about driving with that amount of aura (I can but it’s not pleasant), and getting my work done. At the end of our morning meeting a dear coworker of mine asked if someone could cover his office duty because he had forgotten he had scheduled some community visits, and I said YES! I handed off the few things that needed to be covered, and settled in for a day of getting things done.
When we accept our circumstances solutions tend to present themselves because we are more open to receiving them. Had I been overly focused on the visits, resisting my current state of health, and stressing about racing around to complete all the paperwork and do it ALL, I never would have accepted the opportunity.
So I put my cellphone headset in my ear (calls forward to our cell phones), made a list of everything that needed to be done, and by 2pm my paperwork was spotless. Our chart drawers were a mess so I then took to reorganizing them to accommodate for all the new clients. Our admin now thinks I am a saint, and all my coworkers are happy, and we can all find our charts.
Then the Storm Came
Thursday morning there were reports of a chance of thunderstorms, my brain was SCREAMING that there was going to be a very bad storm. I took extra care to drink tons of water and get a good lunch before starting visits. As always I feel a little nuts when I feel a storm and it is bright and sunny out, but I just rolled with it.
Less than an hour after eating my sandwich and drinking all that water the crack reverberated through the air and the sky opens up, and I was ready for it. I waited for the migraine to start to bloom behind my eye and took my abortives.
The storm cleared quickly, but my body didn’t. I was thankful though because I just had the migraine, and no aura. I was going to feel like crap and the idea of being in rush hour was dreadful. There was a client we weren’t going to be able to bill unless we got another visit. So I messaged my boss and offered to stake out where they tend to be in the evening. I finished my notes, watched stuff on netflix, cleaned my car. 7pm rolls around and the client hasn’t shown, a little bitter I ride home, but I am thankful I can leave early the next day (since I worked late).
Remember that favor I did covering my coworkers office day? Well part of the deal was that they would cover my office day which was Friday. I would not have been able to leave early on Friday if it was still my office day. One again additional benefits of acceptance and rolling with resistance.
Then There Was Insomnia
Between the migraine and coming down off the steroids I woke up at 3am Friday morning and could not get back to sleep. I have learned that when this happens I need to not freak and simply roll with it. I drank tons of water, and tried to stay relaxed watching Mr Robot and tinkering with my site. The migraine still wasn’t gone and my neck and left shoulder at this point felt like they were a sculpture made of rough knotted rope.
I realize that I could just go to work early, and in fact my missing client is also easier to find at 8am. So I leave at 7am and manage to beat all the rush hour traffic (my migraine was thankful), and before I can even finish texting my boss that I was starting early the client bumbles out the front door. The meeting goes stupendous, we bond, and massive strides were made in his treatment, and we got to bill for the month.
However, that’s done by 8:20 and I don’t need to be at the office for the meeting until 9. I also was out of instant meals and snacks that I keep at the office so I stop at the grocery store on the way up and restock. I get to the office with plenty of food and victorious.
I keep drinking water and forcing food down. Due to all the days I worked over I can now leave at 1:30. My steroid tweaked migrainous body is very happy with this. It was a beautiful summer day so I stopped off at the park to do some notes and take pictures. At this point the migraine is actually gone, and I make it home triumphant.
But I Still Can’t Sleep!
I took my Soma and Valium as soon as I got home since my shoulder was a mess, and I direly needed sleep (when I’m that exhausted the tinnitus gets really bad which is why I took the Valium). I eat some cereal, drink even more water, and sleepily watch and episode of Mr Robot. Then I am suddenly awake again.
I quickly dismiss the sense of panic, and decide to roll with it. I cleaned the house. I dusted every surface, vacuumed all the floors, swept, washed the dishes, shampooed the carpet, and magic sponged all the spots on the walls. By 7 the house was spotless and I was a sweaty mess.
I took a much needed shower. Afterwards clean and dazed sitting on the couch I realized that my shoulder was better. Between the muscle relaxer and my cleaning workout most of the knots had worked themselves out. I was also genuinely starving at this point. So I ordered a Chinese food feast (a place that does not use MSG) and my boyfriend and I ended our night eating awesome food in a spotless house reminiscing while watching Sneakers. Relaxed, full, and completely content I finally got to sleep, and knew I had done all the chores so Saturday was going to be completely for me. Rolling with resistance paid off once again.