WTF is wrong with me

I haven’t been posting because I’ve been very ill. My Lyme treatment didn’t go according to plan. A week ago my doctor yanked me off my antibiotic because I was having a Lupus like reaction. Instead of my low grade fevers resolving with treatment they went up. The last few weeks I was on the antibiotic I started running at 101.7. I’m still running a fever between 99.5 and 100.5 everyday.

I’ve proven my Rheumatologist’s theory that my knees were acting up because I was fat. I’ve dropped from 210 to 170lbs since August. Not because I was trying to lose the weight, but rather just because I’ve been so ungodly ill. My knees and hips are worse than ever. I have moderate to severe pain all over my body everyday. I have moderate to severe muscle spasms everyday. I’m lucky if I can get dressed without janking up one joint or another.

I’ve had Lupus like reactions to many things over the past 3 years. Including every single time I’ve been on an antibiotic whether it be for a week, or several months. I also have Lupus like symptoms, including the fevers, for no good reason whatsoever. So I’m pretty convinced that at this point I have some sort of autoimmune disease. Though my negative ANA says otherwise.

Yesterday I also had my first vertigo attack in 6 months. My Meniere’s ear was only a bit fussy so I’m not sure whether or not it was that or MAV. Regardless it’s an ominous sign that things are continuing to deteriorate.

I can’t help whining, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

In October I was fortunate enough to switch back to my old county at work. I’m now a blissful 15 minutes from my office instead of over an hour. My clients are also the type that I am more accustomed to. Lots of trauma, personality disorders, substance abuse, etc. I’m happy with my job which is fantastic. It’s nice to be working with my strengths as a therapist again.

Though physically I am holding on by a thread that is constantly threatening to give out.

I hate having a mystery diagnosis. Though it feels morbid to say I am thankful for the fevers. They keep me from being written off as a head case. Though at the same time they cause me to be tossed around like a hot potato. Doctors don’t know what to do with me.

In good news I was connected with a nurse care manager through my insurance. She is so far seeming genuinely concerned and helpful. She’s already mentioned seeing if I could be approved for a trip to the Mayo clinic if nothing else pans out. Though I am not allowing myself to be hopeful yet.

I hate writing such a negative post, but this is what it is.

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